Masturbating to Vincent D'Onofrio will just have to wait

Next week, all you haters who whine and moan about how there’s nothing to do in Greensburg need to shut the hell up, because for 4 nights the University of Pittsburgh at Greensburg is offering you the chance to turn off the Law and Order reruns and get your behind off the Toad’s barstool. Instead, you have the ability to get some culture right in your own backyard. No traveling to Pittsburgh required. That’s right, it’s the annual Writing Festival, which is coordinated by the lovely Ms. Lori Jakelia, professor and author of the memoir Miss New York Has Everything (Read it). Listen to some great writers read their work. This year’s schedule is packed full of greatness. Monday March 24th: Ed Ochester. Tuesday March 25th: Jane McCafferty & Charlee Brodsky. Wednesday March 26th: Steve Almond. Thursday March 27th: Jim Daniels (I heart his work). So stop the complaining, get off the couch and attend. It’s free. So there really is no excuse. And if you are thinking, well Stephanie, I have to work, that’s a legitimate excuse. I say to you, call off. The flu has been going around, so it’s totally plausible and 5 years from now, hell, 1 year from now, are you going to wish you had spent more of your life slinging t-shirts at the Gap? I doubt it. In fact, I’ve been there (not the Gap specifically) and speaking from experience, you will not regret missing a shift at TGI Fridays, Starbucks or the campus cafeteria. In addition to the well-known authors, UPG students are scheduled to read their own work as a sort of opening act, so be on time and show some support. See you there.

All events start at 7 pm in Village Hall on the UPG campus. Use the computer to obtain any other information that would be required. Oh, and to read more about Steve Almond, as reported by Dylan Nice, one-time Get Lit participant and editor of the UPG newspaper, click this link: http://www.upginsider.com/node/1213

Future Tense

The theme for next month is the future, which, once again, is pretty open for interpretation. Thought up and decided upon by an audience member in some tangent derived from the Ides of March, the future can mean so many things. In the future, it will be sunny. I will have wrinkles and eat a grilled cheese sandwich. Guns 'n' Roses will release Chinese Democracy. I mean, it hasn't even happened yet, so who knows what it will entail. All I know for sure is that if you are planning on reading March 15th, you must bring something that ties into the theme - unless of course you do what Chris did and compliment me profusely before you begin reading, then of course I will completely forget that you aren't following the rules (just kidding).